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| Encontrar pareja |
Having a partner, a support, a friend, in life is precious. Love between two people is very beautiful. Click to know more.
Esta publicación consta de cuatro partes:
This publication has four parts:
1 Dos problemas importantes a la hora de encontrar pareja.
1 Two major problems to find a couple.
This publication has four parts:
1 Dos problemas importantes a la hora de encontrar pareja.
1 Two major problems to find a couple.
2 Ejercicio: Como encontrar el amor en tres pasos.
2 Exercise: How to Find Love in three steps.
2 Exercise: How to Find Love in three steps.
3 Afirmación. 3 Affirmation
4 Conclusión. 4 Conclusion.
1. Dos problemas importantes a la hora de encontrar pareja.
1. Dos problemas importantes a la hora de encontrar pareja.
1. Two important problems to find a couple.
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| Piramide de Maslo |
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| Maslow's piramid |
- Necesidades fisiológicas (alimentarse, respirar..), necesidades de seguridad (un hogar, empleo, recursos sociales...)
- Necesidades de afiliación (pertenecer a un grupo y/o familia, sentirse querido),
- Necesidades de autoreconocimiento (autoestima, éxito..)
- Necesidad de autorealizacion (El individuo alcanza su máximo potencial y se siente realizado)
According to the humanistic theory of Maslow, people have five needs:
- Physiological needs (eating, breathing ..)
- Security needs (home, employment, social resources ...)
- Affiliation needs (belonging to a group and / or family, feel loved),
- Recognition needs (self-acknowledgement, success ..)
- Need of self-realization (The individual reaches its full potential and feels fulfilled)
Dicho esto, me gustaría resaltar que las personas necesitan dos tipos de amor: el amor que recibe de los demás y amor propio. Un tipo de amor nunca sustituye al otro.
That said, I would like to stress that people need two kinds of love: love they receive from others and self-love. A kind of love never replaces the other.
Uno de los problemas por los cuales las parejas fracasan es cuando un individuo trata de que otra persona supla su carencia de amor propio. Es decir, el problema está cuando buscas que alguien te quiera más de lo que tu te quieres a ti mismo. Yo tengo la absoluta certeza de que el amor que recibimos de nuestra pareja es directamente proporcional al amor que sentimos de nosotros mismos.
One of the problems that what couples break up is when an individual tries that someone offset her/his the lack of self-esteem. That is, the problem is when you look for someone to love you more than you love yourself. I have the absolute certainty that the love we receive from our couple is directly proportional to the love we feel for ourselves.
La falta de seguridad en uno mismo, lidera desconfianza en la pareja, celos, necesidad de control del otro. Además, la necesidad de que otro supla tu falta de amor propio lidera un amor dependiente y la dependencia de otra persona nunca es buena. Cuando dependes de otra persona, otra piramide, estas haciendo que esa persona no solo busque su autorealizacion (que ya por si es difícil) si no que sin querer le cargas con la responsabilidad de suplir el amor propio que te falta. Es decir, cargas a esa persona con la responsabilidad de proveerte del reconocimiento y valía que tu no te otorgas a ti mismo. Y eso es imposible. Nadie puede suplir el amor que tu debes sentir por ti mismo.
Lack of self-confidence, leads distrust in the couple, jealousy, need to control the other person, among others. The need of self-esteem leads also a dependent love and dependence on another person is never good. When you depend on someone else, another pyramid, that person don't only have the job of looking for his/her self-realization (which is difficult enough) but also have the responsibility of supplying the self-esteem that you lack. I mean, you charge on that person the responsibility to provide you with the acknowledgement and self-value that you do not bestow to yourself. And that is an impossible task to fulfill because no one can replace the love that you must feel for yourself.
Lack of self-confidence, leads distrust in the couple, jealousy, need to control the other person, among others. The need of self-esteem leads also a dependent love and dependence on another person is never good. When you depend on someone else, another pyramid, that person don't only have the job of looking for his/her self-realization (which is difficult enough) but also have the responsibility of supplying the self-esteem that you lack. I mean, you charge on that person the responsibility to provide you with the acknowledgement and self-value that you do not bestow to yourself. And that is an impossible task to fulfill because no one can replace the love that you must feel for yourself.
Bajo mi punto de vista para que una relación funcione, las dos piramides deben tener la necesidad de autoreconocimiento completa. De esta manera, para que una relación realmente funcione se necesitan dos adultos que se quieren a si mismos, además de querer y respetar a su pareja. Dos individuos que se apoyan mutuamente en la consecución de objetivos juntos, como pareja, y también separados como individuos independientes.
From my point of view, to make a relationship work the two pyramids should have the need for self-recognition complete. I mean, a healthy relationship is formed for two adults that love themselves, in addition to love and respect them partner. Two individuals who support each other in achieving goals together, as a couple, and also separated as independent individuals.
From my point of view, to make a relationship work the two pyramids should have the need for self-recognition complete. I mean, a healthy relationship is formed for two adults that love themselves, in addition to love and respect them partner. Two individuals who support each other in achieving goals together, as a couple, and also separated as independent individuals.
Otro problema a la hora de encontrar pareja es el concepto de amor que tienen muchas personas. Un concepto de amor basado en películas, novelas y canciones. Este es un concepto erroneo y no realista del amor. Mira estas frases, estoy segura de que te recordaran a cientos de películas o telenovelas. Frases como:
Another problem to find a couple is the concept of love that many people have. A concept of love based on movies, novels and songs. This is a wrong and unrealistic conception of love. Look at these sentences, I'm sure you remember hundreds of movies or soap operas that say something similar:
- Tengo que protegerte (normalmente lo dice un chico galán a una chica "delicada", tipo princesita de cuento)
- I have to protect you (usually this is said by a galant guy to a "delicate" lady, with a tale's princess style)
- Tengo que estar contigo para poder seguir viviendo. Tu eres mi vida.- I have to be with you to continue living. You are my life.
- Si me dejas me muero...
- If you leave me I'll die ...
- If you leave me I'll die ...
Todas estas palabras tan pasionales están muy bien para una película o para inspirar preciosos y maravillosos poemas. Pero la realidad es que vivimos en un mundo en que las personas tienen responsabilidades, una profesión, lidiar con sus propios sentimientos, sueños, aspiraciones... Tener la responsabilidad de proteger a otra persona, que ya de por si es un adulto y debería saber como protegerse a si mismo, o saber que si te pasa algo también le pasara algo a otra persona.... No se, yo lo encuentro demasiada responsabilidad.
All these passionate words are great for a movie or to inspire beautiful and wonderful poems. But the reality is that we live in a world in which people have responsibilities, a profession, deal with their own feelings, dreams, aspirations ... To have the responsibility to protect another person (who already is an adult and would should know how to protect his/herself), or to know that if something bad happens to you, something bad will also happen to someone else .... I don't know what do you think about this but I find it too much responsibility.
Diciendo esto no quiero parecer insensible. Tener una pareja,un apoyo un amigo/a en la vida es precioso. El amor entre dos personas en muy bello. Pero nunca jamas debe ser un amor dependiente. Los amores dependientes están abocados al fracaso . En cambio, los amores que se basan en dos personas independientes con autoestima, hobbies, aspiraciones personales... son amores con una base sólida. Son amores que pueden decir "No te necesito para andar, pero quiero que me acompañes en mi caminar"
I don't want to sound insensitive. Having a partner, a support, a friend in life is precious. Love between two people is very beautiful. But it never should never be a dependent love. Dependent loves are doomed to failure. Instead, the loves that are based on two independent people, with self-esteem, hobbies, aspirations ... are loves with a solid foundation. The kind of love that can say "I do not need you to walk, but I want you with me in my path"
2.Ejercicio de la semana: Como encontrar el amor en tres pasos.
2. The exercise of the week. How to find the love in three steps.
1 Piensa en cual son las razones que hacen que no encuentres a la persona adecuada:
¿Te
sientes digno de amor? ¿Te quieres realmente a ti mismo? ¿Estás
buscando un prototipo "cinematográfico" de pareja? ¿Cuál es tu concepto
de amor? ¿Tienes un concepto de amor realista (Como el que explicado
anteriormente) o tienes un concepto de amor romántico basado en
películas y canciones? ¿Cómo era la relación que tenían tus padres? ¿Qué
aprendiste de ellos acerca del compromiso? ¿Qué idea tienes tu sobre el
compromiso? ¿Buscas en tu pareja alguna necesidad a suplir, ya sea
presente o de cuando eras niño?
Think what are the reasons why you do not find the right person:Do you feel unlovable? Do you really want yourself? Are you looking for a "film" prototype couple? What is your concept of love? Do you have a realistic concept of love (As I explained above) or have a concept of love based on movies and songs? What was the relationship that your parents had? What did you learn from them about the commitment? What is the idea you have about commitment? Are you looking for your a couple to meet?
Analiza tus ideas del amor y has afirmaciones, como las que hicimos en este artículo, que te apoyen para cambiar tu concepto de amor por un concepto de amor más sano y realista.
Analyze your ideas of love and statements such as those made in this article to support you to change your concept of love for a concept of healthy and realistic love. Check on this article to find out how to change your ideas and beliefs.
2. Lo segundo que tienes que hacer es quererte a ti mismo mucho. Inicia un romance contigo mismo. Regálate momentos maravillosos, cuídate y hazte muy feliz a ti mismo. No hay nada más atractivo y más llamativo para otros que una persona segura de si misma, autosuficiente y que se quiere a si misma.Think what are the reasons why you do not find the right person:Do you feel unlovable? Do you really want yourself? Are you looking for a "film" prototype couple? What is your concept of love? Do you have a realistic concept of love (As I explained above) or have a concept of love based on movies and songs? What was the relationship that your parents had? What did you learn from them about the commitment? What is the idea you have about commitment? Are you looking for your a couple to meet?
Analiza tus ideas del amor y has afirmaciones, como las que hicimos en este artículo, que te apoyen para cambiar tu concepto de amor por un concepto de amor más sano y realista.
Analyze your ideas of love and statements such as those made in this article to support you to change your concept of love for a concept of healthy and realistic love. Check on this article to find out how to change your ideas and beliefs.
The second thing you have to do is love yourself much. Starts a romance with yourself. Treat yourself to wonderful moments, take care of yourself and make yourself happy. There is nothing more attractive and appealing to others that a self-confident, self-sufficient and self-loved person.
3. Si estas buscando pareja lo mejor que puedes hacer es dejar de buscar y centrarte en ti mismo. La busqueda incesante de pareja solo crea ansiedad y puede dar lugar al "conformismo". El "conformismo", aunque sucede de forma involuntaria, no es amor, es quedarnos con la primera persona que nos hace caso por "tener a alguien".
If you are looking for a couple, the best you can do is stop looking and focus on yourself. The incessant search for couple only creates anxiety and can lead to "conformity". The "conformism", although it happens unintentionally, is not love. The conformism is to stay with the first person who gives you some attention for "having someone".
3.Afirmación.
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| Affirmacion para las relaciones |
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| Love affirmation. |
Si estas buscando tu media naranja, trata de mirar dentro de ti y complétarte a ti mismo. Sientete pleno, completo y feliz. No hay nada mas atrayente que una persona segura de si misma, que tiene hobbies, ambiciones y que es feliz. Una persona que "ama" pero no "necesita"
If you are looking for your soulmate, try to look inside yourself and complete yourself with self-love. Feel fulfilled, complete and happy. There is nothing more appealing for others than a self-confident person, with hobbies, ambitions and happiness. A person who "loves" but not "need"
También me gustaría añadir que el amor no es solo "encontrar pareja", el amor hay que regarlo y cuidarlo cada día para que no se marchite y dure mucho tiempo.
I would also add that love is not only "find a couple" love must to be watered every day so it will not expire and last for long.
Eres una persona maravillosa, eres importante y te mereces ser muy feliz. Te envio todo el amor del mundo.
If you are looking for your soulmate, try to look inside yourself and complete yourself with self-love. Feel fulfilled, complete and happy. There is nothing more appealing for others than a self-confident person, with hobbies, ambitions and happiness. A person who "loves" but not "need"
También me gustaría añadir que el amor no es solo "encontrar pareja", el amor hay que regarlo y cuidarlo cada día para que no se marchite y dure mucho tiempo.
I would also add that love is not only "find a couple" love must to be watered every day so it will not expire and last for long.
Eres una persona maravillosa, eres importante y te mereces ser muy feliz. Te envio todo el amor del mundo.
You are wonderful, you are important and you deserve to be happy. I send you all the love of the world.
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